Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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