Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
