actually, I'm a sock model
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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