Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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