not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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