frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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