It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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