exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
