Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
