I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
