He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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