You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
