Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
