she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
