You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
