Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
