Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
