i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
