after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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