I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
