Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
