I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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