the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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