a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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