omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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