I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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