There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
