I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
