I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
