Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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