No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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