tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
