my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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