I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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