the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
