Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
