I can't breathe out the right side of my face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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