that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
