She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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