i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
