i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
