I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
