So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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