You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
