I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
