Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
