I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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