I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
