i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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