this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
