Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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