Me too!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
