yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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