My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
