dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
