i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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