I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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