At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
