if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
