I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
