so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
