Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
