i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
