1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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