I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
