I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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