in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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