How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
