I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
