Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Everything about him screamed your future.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
