Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
