so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
