I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
