Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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