i just google imaged poop.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
