I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
