I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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